Bradical Strategies Merch Shop™
The merch you never knew you didn't need.
Clive A. Withholden™ Exclusive CFO Plush
Finally, a fiscal figure you can cuddle. Comes with detachable KPI aura and a stern whisper of quarterly performance reviews.
Janessa O. Ütluk™ Exclusive SLO Plush
Janessa knows. Janessa logs. Janessa legitimizes. (Because every crisis deserves a calendar entry.)
Skyler T. Metrics™ Exclusive VP Plush
Crafted from ethically-sourced ambiguity and stitched with the threads of unrequested feedback loops, this plush version of Skyler radiates empathy and mild condescension.
Brad P. Earman™ Exclusive CEO Plush
Impossibly confident and lightly flammable, this plush embodiment of Brad is made from imported ego-fiber and vision-stitched foresight. Whether you're launching a startup or spiraling into a rebrand, Brad is there — smiling and silently nodding at your worst ideas.
Karen Reorgée™ Exclusive CHRO Plush
Soft on the outside, rigidly compliant on the inside. This plush Karen is ergonomically optimized to listen without judgment, silently assess without blinking, and gently redirect your emotional outbursts toward a wellness PDF.
The Mug CMO™ Exclusive Plush
Ceramic. Stoic. Emotionally non-porous. The Mug™ is more than a vessel — it’s a lifestyle commitment to lukewarm ambition. Whether you’re sipping strategic intent or just pretending to hydrate during all-hands meetings, this is your silent, cylindrical ally.
Bradical Strategies Desk Essentials Set™
The Complete Manual Delusion Kit™
Includes:
- ✏️ Manual Alignment Device™
- 🧽 Strategic Revisions Tool™
- 🔪 Initiative Refiner™
- 👜 Thought Leader Containment Unit™
Branded nonsense, ethically sourced. May cause spontaneous calendar invites.
Bradical Strategies Reusable Hydration Symbol™
Non-Aligned Edition
Includes:
- The iconic Bradical drop (strategic hydration iconography)
- Subtle embossing: “This water has not been onboarded
- A matte finish in corporate compliance beige, naturally
Labeled “Non-Aligned Edition™”, this item is intentionally off-brand — a visual reminder that you’re not quite part of the team, but you're thirsty in a very strategic way.
Bradical Executive Alignment Sphere™
All-Sides Edition
Features:
- Round. Opaque. Emotionally unavailable.
- Perfect sphere: no edges, no conflict, no accountability
- Weighted just enough to roll slowly off any flat surface — like trust
- Housed in a satin-lined presentation box labeled “Circular Thinking Unit – V1.0
This matte beige sphere is your new favorite desk ornament, forged from recycled mission statements and strategic ambiguity. Etched with the proudly vague motto: “All sides aligned by Bradical Strategies™”
For bulk orders >1000 pcs, please use our BAM service. Our anonymity guarantees the authenticity of your intent.
*Minimum order quantity calculated using a proprietary alignment algorithm.
All products are metaphorical and shipped exclusively via intention. Timestamps may vary depending on moon phase and hydration levels.